"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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