Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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