omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
