Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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