Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
