When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
