Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
