You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
there is glitter all over my balls
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
