Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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