I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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