I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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