I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
