she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
