How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
