a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
