he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
