question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
