If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
