No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
