I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
