Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
