dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
