I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
