youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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