Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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