what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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