btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
