You're completely useless in the revolution.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
