He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
