Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
