Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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