Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
