the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
