The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
