just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
