I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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