My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
