i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
