if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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