I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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