Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
