I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
