note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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