I wanna passion pit in your ass
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
