Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
