There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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