i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
