How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
