Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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