Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
